The 4 types of regret
The 4 Core Regrets That Shape Us
(According to Daniel H. Pink, author of The Power of Regret)
Regret, far from being a useless emotion, is one of our most powerful tools for self-understanding and growth. Daniel Pink identifies four universal categories of regret that transcend age, geography, and life stage:
1. Foundation Regrets
🧱 "If only I had been more responsible..."
These are regrets about poor choices that undermine stability in our lives.
Examples:
Not saving money when we had the chance
Neglecting our health or education
Failing to prepare for the future
These regrets remind us of the importance of discipline, foresight, and delayed gratification. They often appear when the consequences of inaction or recklessness catch up with us.
2. Boldness Regrets
🎯 "If only I had taken that risk..."
These are regrets about paths not taken—moments when we stayed in our comfort zones instead of stepping into uncertainty.
Examples:
Not starting a business
Not moving abroad
Not telling someone how we really felt
At their core, these regrets reflect a desire for growth, adventure, and authenticity. They haunt us because they represent potential left unexplored.
3. Moral Regrets
⚖️ "If only I had done the right thing..."
These regrets stem from violations of our own ethical or moral standards.
Examples:
Cheating or lying
Hurting someone intentionally
Staying silent when we should have spoken up, defending injustice
Moral regrets cut deep because they compromise our sense of who we are. They often carry a longer emotional weight and are linked to shame and guilt.
4. Connection Regrets
❤️ "If only I had reached out..."
These regrets revolve around relationships that have frayed or ended—often not through dramatic rupture, but slow drift and neglect.
Examples:
Not reconnecting with a friend or family member
Allowing a friendship to fade
Holding a grudge instead of forgiving
Connection regrets highlight our fundamental human need for closeness and belonging. They often include the sorrow of "what might have been" had we taken the first step.
in sum
Pink’s framework shows us that regret isn’t a weakness—it’s a compass. When we reflect on what we regret most, we’re actually uncovering what we value most. Understanding our regrets can help us live more intentional, courageous, and connected lives moving forward. After all, regret isn’t a burden to carry, but a compass to follow.