When you’re dating at your peak—young, magnetic, successful—it’s easy to think the goal is to find someone who matches your momentum. But the real test of love isn’t who shows up when you’re glowing.

It’s who stays when you’re sick, broke, bloated, or forget their name.

I’ve seen it firsthand: a grandfather bathing his wife who no longer recognized him. A therapist still madly in love with the husband who now needs help remembering where he put the kettle.

So when clients ask me how they’ll know, I ask them to imagine this:

If you lost your body, your job, your memory—would they still choose you?

Because real love isn’t about who’s beside you on the yacht.
It’s who’s beside you in the hospital hallway at 3 a.m., signing the forms.

At the cottage, I’m not the professional people Google. I’m not the coach with credentials or the woman who writes books about love. I’m just Kanica—barefaced, in joggers, hair in a bun, laughing with my cousins by the firepit. And in that space, I’m reminded that true belonging asks for nothing. No performance, no achievements—just presence. And somehow, that kind of love feels like the rarest kind of wealth.

You don’t crave what you’ve already explored. That’s why I encourage intentional exploration before commitment — not to delay love, but to deepen it. When you’ve satisfied your curiosity, understood your patterns, and chased the things that once called to your ego… you’re no longer haunted by “what if.” You’re ready to choose with clarity — not confusion disguised as loyalty.

I asked ChatGPT to describe my soulmate — it gave me a man who’s been to therapy, respects my YouTube rabbit holes, and doesn’t flinch when I code-switch mid-sentence.

Then I asked it to roast me.
Apparently, I ghost men for lacking depth… then analyze their avoidant attachment on Instagram.

Honestly? Not wrong.

We’ve glamorized being “too busy” — but let’s be honest, in dating, emotional unavailability wrapped in ambition is still unavailability. Being busy isn’t a red flag. Using it as an excuse to neglect someone is. This piece unpacks the difference between full schedules and full hearts — and why you should stop accepting “busy” when what you truly want is present, intentional love.

Entrepreneurs need a specific type of partner

What does your appetite say about you? Anthony Bourdain believed the way someone eats reveals how they live, love, and connect. In this blog post, we explore why a fearless, pleasure-embracing approach to food might just be the best litmus test for choosing a partner.

Marriage isn’t just a romantic gesture—it’s an impulse inhibitor. It forces us to work through problems rather than making emotionally driven decisions in the heat of the moment. In my latest blog post, I explore how marriage acts as a safeguard against temporary emotions, ensuring we don’t let fleeting impulses dictate the course of our relationships.

We love to consume self-help, but do we actually apply it?

The notion of risk involved in love and dating

In praise of long-distance relationships

Why I stopped following the news

What does waiting for sex tell us about a person’s emotional maturity?

Sex and ambition as one matures

Thoughts on the year ahead

What sex means to me