Dreams and goals in life

John Gottman and Julie Schwartz are American researchers who have listed the most common life dreams of the thousands of couples they have worked with. 

Alone or with your partner, look at the list and discuss it. 

When your partner talks about the dreams that resonate with her or him, don’t be pragmatic (yet): start by asking questions to understand

Why is this important to you?

Is there a story behind this dream that I don’t know about?

Is there an important value or belief for you associated with this life dream?

Is this goal connected in any way to your past?

If this goal was not accomplished, is there a fear or a disaster scenario related?


  1. The experience of peace

  2. Unity with nature

  3. Exploring who I am

  4. Adventure

  5. A spiritual journey

  6. Justice

  7. Honor

  8. Unity with my past

  9. Healing

  10. Knowing my family

  11. Becoming all I can be 

  12. Having a sense of power

  13. Dealing with my aging

  14. Exploring a creative side of myself

  15. Becoming more powerful

  16. Getting over past hurts 

  17. Becoming more competent

  18. Asking God for forgiveness

  19. Exploring an old part of myself I have lost

  20. Getting over a personal hang up

  21. Having a sense of order 

  22. Being able to be productive

  23. A place and a time to just « be »

  24. Being able to truly relax

  25. Reflecting on my life

  26. Getting my priorities in order

  27. A sense of freedom

  28. Finishing something important

  29. Exploring the physical side of myself 

  30. Being able to compete and win

  31. Travel

  32. Quietness

  33. Building something important

  34. Saying goodbye to something

  35. Ending a chapter of my life

  36. Love



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The ‘relational checklist’

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How i assess a couple